Tomorrow Everly will be 12 weeks old which means it is time for me to go back to work. I will be going back to work this Thursday and Friday and then I will have a 3 day weekend before really going back full time. I am feeling a lot of mixed emotions about going back to work. First of all, I am grateful for the ability to even have that much time off (and get paid, too)! I know that is not the case for everyone and I really appreciate it. I am excited to get into more of a routine. It really is bizarre to not work for almost 3 months. I have worked since I was 15 so it has been very different for me. It is like all of your days just run together and yet it seems like nothing ever gets done. I am also feeling a lot of anxiety. I try hard not to dwell on it, but it is a heaviness in my throat that I just can't get rid of sometimes. Sometimes I feel like it will be good for me to get a break from Everly, but I am pretty sure that once I go back it is going to be really hard for me. No one knows her like I do. She is one tough little girl and I worry about if other people can handle her. Luckily I have an amazing group of family and friends that are going to help Justin and I out with Evie. This week she will be with my sisters on Thursday and Justin will be off work to watch her on Friday. Starting next week she will be watched by some family friends of ours at their home. I have known this family since I was like 10 years old and we were so relieved when we found out they were able to commit to watching our little girl. My mother will also be watching Evie with her cousin Cameron on Fridays, which is awesome too because she gets to grow up with her cousin. With all the anxiety I have about going back to work it is such a relief to know that Everly will be in great hands! The other issue with going back to work is breastfeeding. Everly is still 100% breastfed. I have been pumping every night to keep my supply up and have been able to get a good stockpile going in our freezer.
The problem is that I have a cubicle at work so I am not quite sure how that is going to work out once I go back. Also, we are not really on a specific schedule with her feedings now so I am not quite sure how it will work out. Sometimes she eats after 3 hours and sometimes we have to wake her up because it has been 4 hours since she last ate. The good thing is, she is a pro at eating from a bottle. In the beginning we had trouble latching so she got pretty comfortable with a bottle and now goes pretty well back and forth between a bottle and me. I know it will be tough, but I have an amazing husband and family that I know will help me get through it so we will just have to take it one day at a time.